I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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