We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Randomize
