if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
