Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
