god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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