A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
