my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize