She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
high people should be assigned attendants
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
