Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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