I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Randomize
