my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
