Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
