i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
