and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize