i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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