You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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