i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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