I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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