alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize