I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She bit a glass in half.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
