Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
