is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
