U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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