her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
