When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
