you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
