Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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