he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
