she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
