I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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