just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
