She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
