I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
