What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
