a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
