billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
