I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
