Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
