Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
