Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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