Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
