Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
