why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
