but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
