I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
