I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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