I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
