you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
