I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
