areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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