god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize