If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think i have two assholes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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