I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
