id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize