he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
