I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
