Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
