New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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