mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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