Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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