i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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