life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
