It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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