I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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