I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
