Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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