I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
