I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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