I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
