my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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