From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
