just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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