Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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